Dear Ben

The years I spent was splendid the way I vision in my dream. We are both happy, contented, and in love. Our life is awesome for we found each other, and knew that we both destined together. Ben, thank you for being the person who understands me from every perspective. I am glad or rather blessed that I have you and you might wonder why I am writing this, just read it up until the end.

Sophomore year is the timeline that I cannot focus on the important things that needs to be done for I am thinking of you. I am peeking at the hallway like stupid just to catch a glance of you and I still do not regret it. I do not know why I did that, if you might wonder why. The only thing that I know is that I want to bump at you, for you to notice me. I guess I am just desperate for attention

I even change myself for you because I want to be the same as you, so at least you may see me like you. Two years of being like a thief waiting to catch your eyes all around the campus. I am determined and eager to be near to you. Wanting to sit on a table, but they all around you. How can I compete with somebody else that was better than me, but I have a goal and that is what I am chasing.

The odd of our eyes to stare at each other is impossible, but it happened, and that is when you notice me. I finally have your attention but I do not know why I want to be back from being unnoticed. I am nervous, afraid and panicking that I made you look at me. Even though that is what I want the whole time, maybe I am just scared about your reaction or for the thing you may say about me.

You started to show some affection that bring us some connection that lead us in our direction. A wonderful view of perfection as I look at you like an angel of reflection. Bring light to this gloomy paradise that I live in. I now see colors, stars, and my eyes are dazzle as I finally see yellow, blue, green, and red; for it is a colorful world with you. I want to feel and stay like this.

You annoy and irritate me several times not knowing why, but you said it is just your way of courting me. Five months after I said yes, you always tell me that I am the most beautiful thing that happened in your life. Yes I know that I am not the most beautiful thing that happened in your life, but I just cannot keep myself from smiling at you. You are such an angel and I love you for being real.

I cannot believe it when you say that I am the reason for your smile today. I cannot describe how I felt when you say that to me. I stop counting for days, months, and years because I know that this would never end, but I am incorrect. We finally finish college and it is a celebration for our wonderful dedication, but I cannot for I discover something that made me feel devastated.

You are more than enough for me; our story would never end if both of us stay. I am hoping that you would because I cannot see myself without you. It was like a dark hallow surrounds by completely nothing, just me alone. I would miss all the good thing in this life if you would leave. I wouldn’t be able the feel the same thing. I found something months before we graduate, why you did not tell me.

All these years, you are planning to get a job to another state. You did not tell me that you already sign up months ago. I am just thinking that, this is your dream but how about me. Do you even consider me? You already know that I support all the things that you want and I like everything about it. I am glad that you have an ambition on your life, but I have a question; Am I still on your plan?

Coz it hurts thinking that there is nothing that can separate us, because we do not want to be separated, right? I do not see my life going through without you here. Distance is cruel and there is no chance that we can keep in contact every day. I just do not know why you made that decision without even talking to me. There are enough career opportunities and chances for your desire in here.

I thought it is forever, but frankly it is not. I hope that you consider leaving me because you are my lifeline. I do not want you to be gone for days, months or year for it will felt like forever. Please do not think of me as a selfish person who always thinks about herself, but the truth is I just can’t accept that you are far away from me. Do not leave because I love you and I still need you.

a letter for you