Dear Damon

You are the boy I trusted my whole life. The boy that I truly fall in love with and the boy that shattered me into pieces. I know you; you are the one person that changes me from being myself and now feeling anxious. You creep inside my head like an insect that always like to pest my mind. How did I let you in?  Am I stupid or blind to not see the damage you can cause to me?

I admire you for I thought you were nice. I used to remember your angelic face as you smile or grin while talking to your friends; what a beautiful sight indeed. Every person that I know of and every student that inside the room is talking about you. You and some of your friends are like a celebrity on our school. I think you want to be that kind of person, the one that everyone admires.

                Sorry, is the first word you said to me when you hit me with a ball. The first time I saw you, the first time we met, and the first time I made a big mistake. Never thought that the word sorry would also be the last word you would use to deny yourself for some obvious reason. I caught you off guard, exhibiting your wickedness with pride in front of my very two eyes.

I will not go and discuss with you all the details, but I want you to know that that is not the only thing I discover from you.  I did not know the person that for so long I have been in love with. I think that you drug me to lose my senses and to feel numb. Do not say sorry as your way to escape from your mistake, my eyes are wide open now. I will not let you deceive me again.

You are the kind of boy that every teenage girl dream of, but somehow never gets for some high standard reason. I am so irritated that you feel supreme, but I must admit that you are like one. I know there are many disadvantages for a regular student like me compare to an athlete like you. I hate the system of our poor school for favoring those students like you; it is so unfair.

There is rumor about you circulating for almost two years, yet it does not even bother you a little. I just want to know what it feels like to run from all of your mistakes and not being held accountable for it. I don’t use to believe in rumor for those are all bullshit to me. But it is kept getting clearer to me what kind of person you are, but somehow I kept going and I don’t know why.

You show too much skin, which is one of your traits I am not going to lie about that. And I must admit that I am one of many unlucky girls that have been enchanted by that. You are like an angel fall from the sky because clearly, you do not belong in there. You know what your purpose in this world and that is to be cruel in any possible way you can imagine.

I am so stupid to fall for a person like you, yet I enjoy being with you sometimes. You always made me happy when you were nice, but you were mean and making fun of me when you are angry about something, something that I did not have anything to do with. You are manipulative and I let you dominate my will. I feel powerless and being held captive by you.

I think you know what I am talking about now. Yes, I cannot even say it for I am disgusted about you. I pity myself for I had to experience such a horrendous event. An eye-opener that made me realize how pathetic I am for believing your lies. The last thing that I will going to say to you is that, be careful now. I am not threatening you, but right now, I want you to do the right thing starting this day.

I come up with the conclusion that I will never be enough for you because you are searching for more. You broke me first, I know that for sure, but I will pick up and I will make sure that no one will ever treat me as you did. I know my worth now and I will value it. Now you know what you did, I cannot forgive you, but maybe in the future, only if you are still alive, we’ll see about that.

a letter for you