I am sorry for making you believe that we can end up like a movie. Real life sometimes end up in tragedy.


Dear Emma

I want to feel the same happiness and sadness even though it hurts a lot. I would endure the pain for it is the only way, reminiscing our good old days. I dream of you every night, and wonder what you feel when I left you that day. I cannot let go of my ambition of being with you, despite of all the circumstances that did not permit. I am sorry for leaving you; it is not my intention to do.

I oppose the harsh reality that we never bound together. I pray to God all the time for the possibility and chances, that somehow we can be restore and be back on that trail again. The level of my desperation overflows through believing on what people called destiny. A promising word for hope. To help me cope, for being freewheeling and for not being sensible towards your feeling.

However, I just want to bring back and share with you our story, if somehow you have forgotten it.

The first day that I saw you at the coffee shop. You serve the espresso that I order and asking me again if I need anything. I said no, while browsing through the magazine, but you still standing beside me like there is something wrong. I could still sense your presence at my side. I did not think and trouble myself too much and pay no attention to you.

I just did not care at all, not until I sip my coffee, and spew some of it on my lap. You smile and grin as you hand me over a tissue; I was mesmerize by those gorgeous eyes of yours. You take care for the mess that I made while I stare at you the whole time. It is unexpected that I did not get anger towards you, but rather embarrassed that you had to see me on a situation like that.

Do you like watch? You ask me. “What” I replied, and you replied, “Never mind” and leave. Before I left, I realize that you are talking about those wrist watches on the magazine. Walking down the street towards to my apartment, I still imagining your face and your smile and your eyes. Saying that I would never go back again on that coffee shop, for I embarrassed myself too much and that is enough.

The next day passes and I am still thinking about myself being on that place again. Then after consecutive days of overthinking, I got courage and decided to go back.

I was looking for you as I enter the shop, wondering where you were at that time. A loud but soft voice saying, Good Morning is what I heard from my back. A dazzling ray of light that whoever look at, would surely be enchant, that is how I describe your appearance, but then you are more than just a pretty face. You startle me a little bit and made me lose my words.

I stand for more than 30 seconds until you show me the way. I sit uncomfortably while striking my foot into the floor, and you smile at me while taking down my order. It is all fun for a day and two, but not when ordering the same thing for over a month. There is a time that I feel bloated, but I still buy coffee and sit as I secretly watch you casually taking orders.

I am not used to drinking coffee but still I do bear it for you. That is why I have to do quickly what I need to do, before I could have digestive problem. After six weeks of enduring the taste of it, I finally had the courage of asking you to go out. Sunday of March 19 2016, Is our first date, not on that coffee shop, but on a real restaurant. I bet you do not remember it, do you?

Weeks, months and years of being with someone like you is very surreal. I learn a lot from notable experience that we share, through beginning up until the end. Despite of all the great idea we plan for the both of us, there would always be factor that want us to be apart. I try everything to erase the wall that keep us away for each other, but I fail.

I apologize for the chaos that you had to see, and for only showing the best part of myself. I never tell you about the addiction of my father and how my mother suffer from it all day. Now that you know, as you see it for yourself, the day we arrive as you insist of knowing whom they are. I am so blessed and elated for the way you respond and saying that it is normal for life to have problems.

You understand me more that anyone can and I hope that you would for the last time. I have a good news! My mom finally open her eyes, that she did not need him all along and she also realize how much great things she can do without him by her side. It’s a great news right, I know that you care for her the way that I did, and I want to say thank you for that, but there is something you need to know

My mom ask me to come with her and have a fresh start of life. She wants to feel alive again she said, and her way to feel that to go back to the place she came from. You can say that I am selfish for leaving all the thing we have, but I want you to understand that I need to be with the person who loves me more that her own self. I will not leave her alone this time.

I am sorry for making you believe that we could end up like a movie. But, real life sometimes end up in tragedy. People will continue to live with their broken dreams, and so are we. I am sad for leaving you, but somehow glad, that I met a girl name Emma who change my perspective and perception in life. I want you to remember that you have a place in my heart.

I Love You, Goodbye.       – Shane

A letter for you